I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
