i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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