"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
