We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
