I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
