i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
