She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
