Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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