I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
