oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
