Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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