i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
