I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
