I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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