I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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