so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
