We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
