I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
