I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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