this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize