Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
