well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
