My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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