We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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