yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
cat food counts as protein by the way
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize