I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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