Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize