i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
