they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My breasts were aching with rage.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
