the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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