Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
