and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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