Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
