I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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