Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize