That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize