I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
