could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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