at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
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