Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
