Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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