it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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