did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
