Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
