margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
