you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
