Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
