This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize