I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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