did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
