ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
