Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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