this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize