Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
