Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just fell off a train. Bad.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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