I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
