Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
