Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
