Don't make out with my wife yet
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
