She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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