After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
