I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
