dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
