This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
