Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
