think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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