; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
