giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize