It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
