Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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