My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize