This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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