he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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