YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
