i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
