forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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