I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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