I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
