so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
