Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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