dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
