She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
