i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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