i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize