We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
