she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
