We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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