Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
