we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
