Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
