Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
