Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
