I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
