I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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